A Living Alternative

After less than two years my little Lenovo laptop- at the time a great deal at a low price- has begin to show its age.  Rather, it is showing its true value, which isn't very much.  It served me well for this short time and was the only alternative I could afford when I bought it.  However, it is literally falling apart and dying all over.  The cost of these repairs would be double what I paid for it and ten times what it might be worth to a generous buyer.

So we have begun to pinch pennies to replace it, hopefully in the near future.  With our missions support and adoption fund raising the priority, I am going to raise the funds through a couple of "ventures" I have going already.  The only one online that will be contributing to this fund is my book sale page, which has slowed down of late.

Check out the list and let me know if you are interested.  For you Mac users our there, you should know that I will be making the shift over to "your side" when I buy a new one, so support the greater cause and buy some books!  I have other titles unlisted that I hope to be adding soon.  Thanks!

This evening a friend & I were chatting about sin, forgiveness and God's love.  Far from theoretical, we both talked about our own moral failings which are always followed by bouts of self-loathing and despair.  As we talked it became clear that, beyond the clear and necessary conviction in our hearts, the despair was ultimately born of pride- the belief that our sin is greater than God's love.

And yet it is hard not to despair when we find ourselves in the seemingly endless cycle of failure & repentance & failure yet again.  I take comfort, at least, in that this familiar pattern is repeat often by God's people through Scripture.  This does not diminish the gravity of sin, but rather pulls us out of the hopelessness of our own private hell to give us hope.

Part of the despair often stems out of our impulse to perform our way back into God's good graces.  We somehow convince ourselves that holiness is a matter of success, as though by being good we climb the mountain towards God's love (or at least away from His wrath), but by sinning we fall back down to the bottom of His favour.  Again, I don't intend to diminish the seriousness of morality and purity, but rather demonstrate how badly we often miss the point.

It is one of the greatest challenges of faith to accept that God loves us- not because we are worthy of it or somehow earned it- but because He chose to love us.  As simple as it is, I need to remind myself: I am lovable because God loves me.  Consider this: which is better, to be loved for our gifts & talents?  Our commitment to purity?  Our attempts at service?  Or is it better to be loved without merit because the most worthy Lover chooses you?

That is, in part, what it means to believe in God- not merely to believe in His existence, but to believe in His nature.  And above all, His nature is Love.  Even while we were (are) in our sin, God loves us.  That does not give us license to abuse His grace, but rather establishes our place in His heart prior to anything we might do or say or be.  Love truly liberates us.

How do we learn to walk this truth out?  I suspect it is a journey that will last us all a lifetime to begin to understand.  Part of it, I believe, also comes from working to love others for no other reason than that God loves them. Separating our love of others from measures of merit is ultimately impossible for us to fully achieve, but the discipline is still important.  That is why we are to love the killer, the child molester or others.  NOT because they deserve it or even that it inspire might change in them. Rather, we love them because God loves them, even in their sin. It doesn't negate judgment and consequence, but the ultimate judgment is Gods, and in that court, none of us are worthy.

The journey of sanctification is not merely one in which we seek to achieve only moral purity.  More than this, sanctification is the process through which we are transformed to the nature of Christ.  We die to the sinful nature of self to be reborn together into His Body.  We all know that Jesus was far more than simply morally pure. Rather, He was Love incarnate  So to are we called to embody that Love, through the Holy Spirit, in our pursuit of Christlikeness.

Being right all the time would probably be a very difficult burden to bear.  Frankly, I don't know for certain because I am quite frequently wrong (as my wife, my family and my friends could most effectively testify).  No, I don't envy those who are so often right.  There are many in the blogosphere who have foolishly attempted to be right (the one mistake my critics have not accused me of) and attempted to tell us all so.  I cannot help but think that they must, at times at least, feel like Cassandra, blessed with the flawless gift of prophecy while cursed so that no one would believe her.

There are others in the blogosphere who are too smart make such a dangerous mistake.  Intelligent, insightful and gifted writers, they know better than to put their ideas, experiences and lives out there for the masses to denigrate and tear apart.  No, they have put their gifts to much easier and safer use.  These bloggers have learned the secret: Don't try to be known for being right, but be an expert about how everyone else is wrong.

It's brilliant!  Careful examination, combined with genuine intelligence, throwing in the cutting wit of a good writer- why, it produces the the ideal medium to sit above safely above everyone in judgment through the systematic, ruthless and unbudging commitment to tear others down.  Being as flawed as we all are, there is no end of material with which to master their craft, even able to Biblically justify their words as, ultimately, loving.  As I said- brilliant!  Perhaps I have doing this blogging thing all wrong.  Perhaps I need to give this approach a chance.

No, I haven't the stomach- nor the wit- and ultimately, I haven't the time.  What I am grateful for from these kinds of blogs is that they genuinely remind me that I am not always right- in fact, often wrong.  They also teach me that I could waste away my life trying to achieve the perfection of faith they seemingly have tucked away in their corners (though rarely, if ever, give us a glimpse).

Don't get me wrong.  I am not above critique or judgment- by no means!  However, I also know that, even in my failings and mistakes, God is graciously and faithfully drawing me to Himself.  I am grateful that He has provided me with people of faith to challenge, encourage, correct, direct, discipline and love me as I follow His Word and His Spirit.  I do this as faithfully as I know how- which I know is not good enough for some- and put my trust in God.

So what should we do with the fiery words of these crusaders against "wrongness"?  First, we must genuinely be humble enough to allow the light of their criticism to show any falsehood in us and correct it.  However, beyond that I believe we do ourselves, others and even them greater harm by pushing it further.  Most often (and there are exceptions- critics whose judgment I welcome) it will only add fuel to the fire and everyone gets burnt.

After almost two weeks of time off, I am back home and back in the saddle, as it were.  We returned home to be greeted by a shattered picture window.  Some local kids with stones.  We are also having to deal with our clothes dryer, which died the day we left on vacation.  Not the best return, but it is still good to be back.

In truth, I am returning with very mixed feelings.  As those who have read here for some time will know, later last year I was dealing with burn out.  I was encouraged by doctors to make changes immediately.  Around that time we left for a month in Australia for Christmas with Kim's family, which was a much needed break and seemed to go a long way to help (i.e. it ended my 9 weeks of insomnia).  However, I knew that the underlying issues hadn't been solved.

Recently I have begun to feel the pressure building again.  It worries me (and worries Kim too) and I know that we have to deal with this.  The challenge is knowing what the right thing to do.  One of the core issues is that our ministry (and the impending church plant) has always needed some seasoned leaders to work alongside us, a challenge that we have faced for years.  I am at a loss.

I know that this challenge has seemed more difficult of late as many of my friends, serving elsewhere in such contexts as us, have left ministry.  Most of them have taken on well-paying jobs and homes in suburban communities.  Before you get the wrong idea, I am not judging them.  Rather, facing the challenges that we do now, I can see the appeal.  And yet, as I feel called to continue where I am, their departure makes me wonder if I have what it takes to last.

At the same time that this is going on, I am also finding aspects of my spiritual journey to be taking decidedly fruitful and exciting turns.  Despite the very real financial struggles, God always provides.  When I think that we are not impacting our community, we see a life touched by God through our service.  So, I am not despairing.  Not quite.  I continue to pray and ask that you pray for us too.

At long last, Kim & I are getting some time off (about a week), so things will be quiet here until we "get back" to life.

Peace & Good Things!

UPDATE: We are really excited to have our holiday semi-extended for another week or so.  We are off to a family reunion, then back to spend a few days with my entire family- parents, wife, brother & sister-in-law.  Good times!

Working in our community, we meet people from every walk of life.  Most are fascinating and lovely people who make up the tapestry of our inner city neighbourhood.  However, every so often we also meet someone who is more difficult to connect with and challenging to love.  For example, registered sex offenders (and not-registered as well, for that matter) often live in our community.  Most often they are guilty of preying of children.  For most of us, this kind of person stirs deep emotions in us, rarely very generous.

I was once chatting with a man who had been convicted of sexually assaulting several children.  He hated what he had done and the lust that still plagued his thoughts.  Though he would often make excuses for himself, for the most part he was surprisingly frank about his own unequivical guilt, as well as the fact that he was still a very real threat.  He appeared genuinely sorry for what he had done (not just sorry for getting caught).  He also had become a Christian.

People in this man's situation present a very real challenge to the church.  Without question God's grace can extend to worst of sins, but that does not mean that we treat them as though they have a clean slate.  Serial sex offenders, even when genuinely sorry for their actions, most often live with the temtpation and brokenness for the rest of their lives.  Because of this, it is not often safe to have them involved in Christian community in the same open fashion as most people participate.

Sadly, this most often means one of two things: Either they do not disclose the truth, thus putting many people at risk, lying and often violating a legal mandate; OR they remain isolated from the much needed community of faith that the Body of Christ represents.  This is further complicated by the very understandable reality that many Christians, despite their belief in the fullness of God's grace, would not be able to treat these people with any kind of love.

Some people are gifted and called to work with such people, though they are rare.  I have found myself able to converse with these men where others I know have not found themselves able to.  Don't get me wrong: I feel deeply the anger and disgust in the face of such evil deeds.   I have often wondered if this is something that should be a greater and more intentional expression of my ministry.  It is not something I am eager to rush into, but have considered often.

That being said, I believe that the church needs to find ways to ministering to people in these settings.  I know some such expressions exsist, but I suspect that they are few and far between.  It gives me a great deal to think about.

What do you think?  Should such criminals receive this kind of attention or is the isolation part of their long term consequences?  Have you seen this at work?

In a recent post, I casually brought up the three Franciscan vows and what they have meant to me.  Admittedly, I was overly casual result in some believing I was throwing open the epistemological doors on the meanings of chastity, poverty and obedience, playing light with the meaning and practice of these vows by vocational Franciscans.  While the response was uncharitable and extreme, it at least pushed me into considering these vows more seriously, so I thought I would write about them in a little more detail.

Chastity: It is important to note here that chastity is not simply abstinence.  In respect to the vocation of a Franciscan friar, it would obviously include a lifelong commitment to celibacy.  However, the Franciscan tradition sees chastity in its fuller understanding- that is pursuing complete purity of body, mind and spirit, especially in respect to sexuality.  In addition to the Biblical call for purity, Francis drew a great deal of this virtue from the knightly tradition of his time.  Thus, while he called his fellow friars to the more demanding practice of chastity in the order, he also encouraged all believers to pursue chastity within their lives, whether they were married or otherwise.

Poverty: More than the other two, this vow was (and remains) a source of great difference among Franciscans.  For Francis it meant the absolute renunciation of any material wealth and ownership, giving away all that one has to the poor.  They were to rely entirely on the charity of others for food, shelter and work (not even allowing themselves to touch money).  Understanding Francis historical and socio-economic context helps us understand what looks to be an extreme position.  While the vow remains today, it looks far different than it did in Francis day (as well it should, in my opinion).  However, in a culture of rampant materialism, consumerism and greed, we have much we can learn from this vow.

Obedience: For Franciscans, this vow includes obedience to their superiors in the order, as well as to the order's Rule and the norms of community.  It is also about following Christ's teaching and example with explicit obedience.  It is not meant to be blind obedience, but selfless service out of free will.  For those not taking full vows (such as Third Order Franciscans or those following the Franciscan tradition informally), it is often encouraged to develop and follow a Rule of Life, take a spiritual director and follow it obediently within their context.

While this will be no means satisfy my critics (and which I was not aiming to satisfy), I hope this will help others better understand the three vows, their meaning to vocational Franciscans and their meaning to others.  My intention was not to redefine their inherent meaning (though I can see how it might have been seen as that), but rather to explore what they do/can look like in our lives.  As this is an encouraged tradition by Franciscans for non-Franciscans, I am in good company.

Last week, my buddy Greg Glatz was co-hosting his radio show, GodTalk, and made a skeptical/semi-critical statement about World Youth Day (recently hosted in Sydney, Australia).  Before the show ended, I shot off the following email:

"Greg!  Wow, you obviously aren't getting the picture of WYD.  It is far more than a Kumbaya [referencing a comment Greg made], Christian party.  It is a powerful event that is more pilgrimage than 'conference'.  MUCH mission flows out of it, both in the host country and the homes of the attendees."

He took my good natured critique in stride and made the following (unaddressed) Twitter challenge:

"WYD a pilgrimage? I'd like to see someone blog on making that case."

So, I am going to take the challenge!  First, let me say that I am not an apologist for WYD.  I would easily be able to mention many criticisms of the event (many of which Greg likely was thinking of when he made his comment).  However, having accidentally stumbled on WYD in Toronto a few years back, I am convinced that this is one of the better Christian youth events I have seen.

The easiest response to the challenge of calling WYD a pilgrimage is this: WYD is a pilgrimage.  The Catholic Church specifically calls the event a pilgrimage, as well it might.  Wikipedia defines a pilgrimage as:

"...a long journey or search of great moral significance. Sometimes, it is a journey to a sacred place or shrine of importance to a person's beliefs and faith."

This event is seen as a pilgrimage because it represents such a large, international gathering of like minded Christians for the purpose of prayer, worship and service.  It is a celebration of Catholic faith that mobilizes and inspires young Christians from around the world to great depth and participation in their faith.

My only personal encounter with WYD in Toronto was overwhelmingly positive.  Even as a non-participant, the feeling of "every tribe & nation" gathered together for prayer and purpose was deeply felt.  There was a tangible atmosphere of hope, passion and love in all the participants we met.  Sure, there is controversy around each event (and sadly, the church at large), but compared to most youth events I have experienced, I would say we have much to learn from WYD.

It is a pilgrimage I hope to make one day myself!

Growing up, we lived next door to my great uncle.  Through out my early years I heard many amazing stories about his experiences in the Second World War.  He was deployed on the HMCS Athabaskan, a Tribal class destroyer in the Canadian Navy.  One night, while in the English Channel, they encountered a German torpedo boat.  In the ensuing battle, their ship was lost, earning her the name "The Unlucky Lady".

Floundering in the oil choked, flaming waves, my great uncle made his way to a life boat, but found it already filled beyond capacity.  Exhausted, burnt and swallowing the oily water, he hung on as long as he could, but his strength was failing him.  Ready to let go, one of his superior officers in the boat leapt into the water, pushing my uncle into the safety of the boat, saving his life.

Growing up, I often heard an analogy for "saving the lost" that was similar.  People are lost, drowning in their sin.  We were called to throw them a lifeline so we could pull them into the salvation of the boat, but they had to choose to accept it.  This analogy is ok, as far as it goes, but I have began to wonder if it is too safe.

In the words of Bonhoeffer, "When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die".  Yes, we do praise God for the gift of salvation, a gift we want to share with others.  However, when God releases us as representatives of that hope, He calls us to follow His example to the Cross.  We are not simply called to bring people into the comfort and security , but reliquish our rights to comfort and security for others.  While for some this might literally mean giving up their lives, for most of us it calls us to a life of selfless sacrafice for the sake of others.

What does this mean for our lives?  How might this change how do are church?  How we do mission and evangelism?  Is this a vocation only for the select few or a universal mandate for the Body of Christ?

As I scan through the blogosphere these days, I come across a lot of writing about different people, churches, books, ministries, etc.  While there is a fair amount of affirmation going on, there is also a great deal of critique.  Sometimes it is downright harsh.  Even when it has the seed of legitimacy, there is too often tones of superiority, aggression, dismissal, etc.  People can be... well, mean!

It has made me realize that, when I consider my blog, my writing, our ministry, our church plant- my life at large- I do not want to be anyones role model.  Sure, I am drawn to this on many levels- selfishly, I love (and long for) the affirmation of my peers, while on a genuinely (well, largely) selfless level, I want to see people & communities live life to the fullest.  And yet, I wonder if success or even attention exacts too high a price.

This occurred to me while talking to an amazing youth pastor who is serving a wealthy church with a massive budget.  While at first I envied his resources, I soon began to appreciate my own "poverty".  He is doing the radical and risky thing of not playing into the consumerism his youth (and their parents) expect, facing real heat for those choices.  He realizes that his "wealth" comes with strings and pitfalls.  This is as true for success as it is for money.

And so, I thank God that He has entrusted me with "so little".  I pray for grace to simply serve and love God and neighbour faithfully and consistently.  I hope that I can share and discover life and Christ with my friends, family and neighbours as mutuals.  Any more would tempt me to become a great teacher, writer, pastor or leader.  I am none of these things and I am thankful.  I haven't the humility to bear those burdens.

Frankly, I am not worthy of being anyones example anyway.  No, that is not false humility.  I have as much to share with the Body of Christ as anybody else, but nothing beyond that.  I am becoming content to be part of a small, but sincere community of fools stumbling towards to ever open embrace of Christ.  We may not be able to lead revolutions of sweeping change, but if we can be little flowers in the midst of our little corner of Creation, perhaps it is enough.

It is.